SURVIVING

Mindfulness has become fashionable during these times of COVID-19, ravaging fires, sheltering in place and with the outcry for social justice we’re not only witnessing but becoming a part of it. Mindfulness can be defined as the ability of intentionally paying attention to what’s happening in the present moment, becoming aware of our inner and external worlds. We all know how to do that, it is basic to our survival. What is also in our nature for survival is the negative bias of the human brain. We see what’s wrong, bad or not working more readily than what’s going well. Then we ruminate and dwell on these negative events. We can spend the whole day replaying in our head conversations we may have perceived as criticism, or disagreements with friends and family, or moments of frustration when kids or partners fail to do their chores. In contrast, we easily let slip away compliments, positive feedback and even the moments of kindness, from and towards ourselves. 

Pausing

With mindfulness we add curiosity and kindness to the awareness, and it’s done non-judgmentally. We become observers of what happens inside and outside, no cherry picking, no condoning, everything becomes the object of awareness. When we allow any experience to be present, we deepen our self-knowledge; our reactions, fears, joys get into focus. We strengthen our ability to be with what is unpleasant and uncomfortable without becoming paralyzed. Thus, we open a window of opportunity to respond rather than react.  Mindfulness is a lifelong practice. We fail and we spring back up. Meditation can be so helpful for strengthening mindfulness, while meditating we find “a safe space” where we see things for what they are. We can become enraged, ashamed, exhilarated, and then, we come back to the breath. Over and over again, one breath at a time. 

In the moment

And there’s also the mindful pauses, micro-meditations. We become aware of being tired, overwhelmed, overreacting, whatever is too much. And we pause. One breath, recognizing that we’re feeling “off,” this is the first step. Another breath, allowing it to be there, no justification or diagnostic or judgement (perhaps another breath or two here). Using the next breath to notice how the body feels, where is the “off-ness” expressing in the body? The body is always in the present moment, and it helps us anchor the mind – bringing it back from time travel or discourse, softening its negative bias. At this point, the nervous system is calmer. Last breath, recognizing that this that is happening is not who we are or what defines us. It’s simply another cloud in the blue sky, passing by, being blown away by the wind.  We associate mindfulness and breathing with tools to use when things are going south. But, practicing the mindful pauses when we feel alright reinforces the neural pathways in our brain involved in wellbeing. Recognizing joy, feeling it in the body and inviting the mind to familiarize with them. We let it run its course through us, avoiding clinging to it. Little by little, we recognize these moments more often and savor them. These are the good visitors we don’t want to ignore.

We’ve heard about work and personal life balance. The reality for me is that there’s not a real separation between the two, I cannot draw a line between them. Nothing will bring me more joy than the one I experience when holding my kids when they were born, or more grief and pain than losing my loved ones. 

Daily life

I enjoy and feel passionate about my day work, my volunteer activities and about my family life. I love my colleagues and teams, I learn from them, I support them, and they also drive me nuts sometimes. My inner critic can be queen during meetings or when making a mistake, self-doubt, am I doing enough, am I good enough? It’s not very different in my personal life, with other actors and project demands, kids, aging parents (COVID-19, yikes!), far away family and friends - am I doing enough, am I good enough? I’m always the same person, at work and at home, during the week and the weekends, with friends, family and colleagues. Having harmonious and sustainable relationships with the people, projects and tasks is an objective in every aspect of my life. In that sense, mindfulness has brought a sense of authenticity and unification. I need as many mindful pauses when doing work as I do interacting with family and friends.

 Recognizing and connecting with the humanity in every person in my life has brought me great satisfaction and purpose. I trust everyone in my teams - at work and home -  is doing their best, making mistakes or not knowing does not define anyone, myself included. Kindness is cultivated alongside mindfulness. Kindness for others and for self. Avoiding the trap of overworking, daring to pause, daring to say “no”, daring to feel part an important part of the team.

Reconnecting to self and others

The following practices help reinforce the brain neural networks involved in wellbeing and satisfaction and can help calm the nervous system when feeling overwhelmed, tired, anxious. They can be done any time, anywhere. You may want to close your eyes or just gaze away with no particular focus. The invitation with each practice is to simply notice, without judgement, diagnosis, without trying to fix or change anything. Start with a couple of deep intentional breaths, inhaling feeling the air filling the lungs, and exhaling feeling how the muscles naturally relax. Without forcing or controlling. Then, find your normal breathing.

You can do these practices with your kids. Try them and let your intuition (and theirs) guide you, and improvise! Although a tantrum or a moment of great disappointment may not be the ideal time to start the practices with them, you could take some deep breaths and shift your perspective. Acknowledge their disappointment, offer some comfort and let the situation run its course. 

Managing intense mental, physical or emotional states